Dear America,

There is this thing going on within my family; it's really just the typical family feud, you know, the kind that generates atom bombs dropping out of our mouths over politics and religion -- but long distance? via email? Not sitting across the dinner table with the conversation followed up with a piece of pie and whipped cream?  Without question, this modern way certainly holds a fair share of limitations of making a point, a connection, or even so much as a simple compassionate understanding of our differences. 

Funny, as things change, things always stay the same.

I have a family member who said this,

"Well, when I was a republican [sounding in utter disgust that she was]. I believed that we were morally superior! [exclamation included]  I wouldn't doubt that you and your father have the same belief today! [yet another exclamation]  At this point, age 69, I believe moral superiority depends most on each individuals positive self-awareness and active support/contribution to resolving our massive social problems.  While people need to be responsible for themselves, if they are not given the tools or opportunities to do so/grow so, the idea itself is moot."

So what you are saying really, is that G baby, as a conservative, is a pompous, self-righteous, arrogant daughter of an SOB, born and raised in ignorance, superficial superiority and offer nothing good to society? Very well then, besides my first response of imploring everyone to  -- keep moving, there's nothing to look at here -- somebody please pass me the pie, this may take awhile.

Let's just start with the aspect of "depends most on each individuals positive self-awareness and active support/contribution"...yeah, that would be good, let's start there.

Oh my goodness, we're back to family values!  Isn't that ironic.

We start with those who influence you the most, right from the start, with dear old mom and dad.

You are so right, my favorite relative of mine in this moment -- our security, our beliefs, our faith, our ability to rise up as a human being all begin from the moment we are born into a family; the weight and responsibility to grow good citizens and a morally sound child begins at home.  We've been here before -- a nation of good parents creates a nation of good children and then they grow up to be a nation of responsible adults; it's not that complicated.

Where you have me lost my dear loved one is where you began the sentiment -- you preceded where it all begins with an objective I'm not too familiar with -- that being a MORAL SUPERIORITY --  "I believe moral superiority depends most on each individuals positive self-awareness and active support/contribution..."

By definition, what you are saying in essence, is that a person's ambition should be that of taking a higher station or authority over another, morally speaking, in a not so holier-than-thou sort of way?

Have you misspoke?  G loves the idea of "active support/contribution"...but "moral superiority"...

Isn't the very context of having a "moral superiority" an outright expression of a dichotomy of values in the first place? 

Wouldn't it be more correct to say we wish that everyone just simply had morals and values and worked towards building a nation from that foundation; why the bother to wonder who's is better than who's?  While the superiority factor alone conjures up all kinds of faults dating back throughout history, who in their right mind would want to go there?

No, it may have taken a few bumps and bruises from previous generations of people who knew no better, but our nation wasn't built on the idea of superiority; we try our hardest and do our darnedest to give everyone a chance, starting in the place where it counts the most -- in the home -- to promote equality, the ability to grow up to be anything you want to be, fair and square, with as much of that responsibility to the welfare and future of each child falling on the shoulders of the parents who raise them. It's not that complicated.

As one example, even when society gave minorities a home at a very low cost -- what we call "the projects" in most every major city -- the system failed.  Hmmm?  Why?

It's not because they didn't have a roof over their head.
It's not because they couldn't go to school.
It's not because they weren't smart enough.
It's not because they didn't believe in God.

It's because somewhere down the line a parent(s) failed to teach and guide and shelter and protect and love and honor and give the moral support required of them to raise their child fully and into a child of good character.

But "moral superiority" -- that simply has no place on American soil -- that's how I was raised.

Proud to be American? That's affirmative.

Is G proud to live in the greatest country in the world, a country that can take credit for creating the very idea that is firmly planted in our heritage -- and should be stamped upon every forehead -- that only in America can one truly become anything you want to be, do anything you want to do, live anywhere you want to live, with all the freedom in the world -- as long as you don't harm somebody, of course?  You betcha.

Obama came from modest means, right?  He came from a broken home and still got to the best seat in the house.  Oprah, from modest means and after years of abuse, sits at the head of the boardroom of one of America's wealthiest business conglomerates to date; while over the years she has carried more influence upon the hearts and minds of our nation than anyone in modern history.  And Tiger -- in spite of the lack of showing sound moral character and far be it for me to judge (yet thee without sin cast the first stone...)  while currently taking an indefinate break, he rests soundly on the laurels of being the best golfer of all time. 

Musicians, sports phenomenons, talk show hosts, politicians, activists, educators, ministers, mothers and fathers, come from nothing time and time again and become something -- and sometimes not just something -- but the very best thing.

Some people do come from despair, come from nothing, a heartbreaking home and horrific parents -- but the commonality to rise up and become something, in spite of it or to prove something, is in all of us.

"While people need to be responsible for themselves, if they are not given the tools or opportunities to do so/grow so, the idea itself is moot." liberal relative 101

RIGHT ON, my dear one!
The opportunities are there; from birth, it's called having parents teach us right from wrong. And every parent can do it quite favorably if they put their mind to it and make it so -- you know, grow so -- unless of course you are telling me, liberal relative 101, they are inferior in some way, shape or form. 

It's called having a parent instill in you the need to go to school; in America it is free and equally offered to one and all, even girls.  While the education budget continues to grow, the commitment at home hasn't faired so well over the years.  And white middle (to upper) class is equally at fault; money and gifts and a liberal dose of too much freedom does not take the place of good old-fashioned time;  time after school making sure they do homework, time involved knowing who their friends are, time over family dinner including talking about your day, time taking control over the remote and stop babysitting with TV, and time certainly putting your children to bed at a decent time -- surely, the best time of all, being tucked in tight with a kiss on the cheek.

It's called having a parent take you to church; but if not part of the 66% of American families sitting in a church pew on a typical Sunday morning, then the duty falls directly and handsomely down to the parent to guide and teach by their own example.  Gangs are not the new gospel. Drugs are not the spiritual high that our children need.  While we know from experience, violence from a hand across the face to a household built in fear can surely be saved by the grace of God and surrounded with the love and support of a benevolent congregation.

Affirming A Good Education

The 2010 Department of Education budget page highlights the following:

ED currently administers a budget of $62.6 billion in regular FY 2009 discretionary appropriations and $96.8 billion in discretionary funding provided under the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act of 2009—and operates programs that touch on every area and level of education. The Department's elementary and secondary programs annually serve nearly 14,000 school districts and approximately 56 million students attending some 98,000 public schools and 34,000 private schools. Department programs also provide grant, loan, and work-study assistance to more than 13 million post secondary students

And when you include ALL public and private expenditures on education, recorded for the year 2007, the United States totalled $972 Billion Dollars (not absolute/per wikipedia)...but my point, I don't think the money is what holds us back.

Parents only need to be responsible to a point -- then the government takes over? 

Individuals need to be accountable only to a certain age -- then the nanny state can take over?

Aren't the tools already within us -- the aspirations to be something, produce something, build something, and just simply be of value -- if not for the world, but for our children, and if not for them, for our own self-esteem and purpose unto itself -- you know, to grow so, equally within each and every one of us? 

Please, I beg of you, tell me the color of our skin or lack of any kind does not change that which God hands out to everyone of equal portion?

My sixty nine year old relative who sparked the conversation of today grew up in a different day than mine.  A whole generation separates us -- and clearly, we are worlds apart on many things.

I grew up being walked home, all the way up Perry Street, by a little black boy named James Rutledge in the fourth grade and thinking nothing of it.  Busloads of minority students would be integrated all the way across town to my high school in a suburban Southern California neighborhood everyday; graduating from the same teachers and the same education as me.  Affirmative Action ensures post secondary education is extended to those who may not otherwise have an opportunity for anyone who strives for furthering their personal goals. In today's America, some jobs and contracts are only set aside for companies held in ownership by minorities, fighting against issues of racism or sexism; while litigation against any company not holding to the principles of maintaining the privilege of being an Equal Opportunity Employer, is at an all time high.

Everyday America gets better at being better people, and building a stronger nation, providing equally under the rule of law.  Our Christian roots gave us the foothold, while these values continue to pave the way and enlighten us of ways we can improve even more with each rise of the morning sun.

But nothing.
And I mean nothing.
Nothing can take the place of the moral responsibility of one human being to another, of a parent to a child.

Morality is an equal opportunity cornerstone to character; real superiority lies within all of us to grow it.

If nothing else, be good today and
Make it a Good Day, G

here's a link to a happy ending that is worth a read and a tissue;
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/12/16/AR2009121604240.html?g=0&sid=ST2009121604383
Not everyone makes a good parent right from the start; but angels unaware are everywhere.

Dear America,

"Certainly his actions hurt me, and they caused consequences for me,

but they don't in any way take away my own self-esteem,"

she told ABC's Barbara Walters.

"They reflect poorly on him."

That was Jenny Sanford, Wednesday night appearing on Barbara's 10 Most Fascinating People of the Year.

This morning, she filed for divorce.

G has been there; matter of fact, G remains single today, raising a child, and with every ounce of my being building a home with the blocks of character in tandem with the man I left nearly twelve years ago.

Similar but not quite the same, my connection to her sentiment "they reflect poorly on him" gives me chills; that was my response to it when coming to my own rescue for a past that feels like a lifetime ago.

Given that my parents have been married fifty years -- of course you would already know that if you followed G during the summer when gallivanting around Yellowstone Park marking the anniversary with them at the foot of Old Faithful -- it would also be a given that the reflection of failing at the one thing I thought I would also live to see -- the milestone and badge of honor of a marriage blessed with the same -- had the potential to destroy me. 

Perhaps it is the Aries in me that gave me the ability to stealthy swing from bliss to defeat, defeat to shock, shock to indifference, indifference to peace, peace back to bliss on a dime way back when; truth be told, it's more like on a wing and prayer that gave me the strength to forgive myself for the fall from grace and lay the stepping stones to a new life.

No easy task for anyone -- but that's not the direction today; the thing is, with a child, every move we make is reflected back through their actions, demeanor, character and attitude.  Good parenting cannot fail even when our heart is broken; we simply do not have time to selfishly lose sight of our responsibility to our children amidst a shattered dream; the shards must be picked up and pieced back together to allow for real character to shine through.

While our culture seems to cling to stories of the Hollywood stars, politicians, and athletic phenomenons appearing to have the world by a string only to have it lost in a whirlwind of scandal and infidelity and loss of character -- perhaps our true failure comes from falling under a spell right from the start. 

Perhaps it is what we wanted to see in them that remains left in fragments on the floor; leaving only flaws reflecting poorly on them and certainly, and ever so hopefully, not upon us.

But what is it our children take in from this all too familiar scene played out over and over again in the tabloids and on TV?

We live by example; we grow up as a reflection of our parents and our environment; we make children from that which and all that we are; and it is within our children we show the character we live by.  We teach them through a happy marriage; and if we fail at that, we must teach them through the walls of a broken home.  It's as simple as that.

Good parenting does not take a pass simply because we don't make good soul mates.

...okay, pretend you just stepped out to walk your dog, like G just did...we're walking...we're walking...another storm is moving into the area so it's brisk and cloudy with a slight chance of showers.  Brr

...then it happened.  A light bulb moment.

...what if the rule was for every story we show on the lack of good character we must show a story that does?  Think about it.  Two days ago, my girl was so sick and tired of all the disappointment, all the yuck in the muck, all the virtues of a society gone bad at the detriment of finding anything worthy of substance, of value, of something that could lift her up and elevate her to a higher level of living -- she proclaimed enough was enough!  Mayday. SOS.

This is where we as parents step in; not only do we step in, but we do our best to reflect that which we want our children to mirror -- aren't our babies and the potential of our ever-evolving community in which we live worth it?  While with all of it's rhetorical attributes aside, I'm  really not asking.

So to follow the new rules, we would see little ole Tiger and his sweet Swede Elin be paired with Uncle Teddy and Auntie Lettie from Chattanooga -- after thirty five years, surrounded by children and grandchildren with a simple life, a living faith, and a loving heart welcoming another Christmas all together as a family, certainly around a fire place if the reality was there.

Instead, we get this,

"One of Tiger Woods's alleged mistresses, Jamie Jungers, 26, has told how she had "wild" sex with the wealthy golf star, including during 10 visits to his home, British newspaper the Sun reported Thursday.

She recounted how their relationship started in Las Vegas eight months after Woods married, and continued despite Woods telling her that his marriage to Swedish wife Elin Nordegren was fine..." Agence France-Presse December 11, 2009

Or this,

"CHARLESTON, S.C. – South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford blames his own moral failures for his wife's desire to divorce him.

He says Jenny Sanford is gracious and remarkable and has been patient and selfless since he publicly revealed his affair with an Argentine woman in June." by Bruce Smith, Associated Press Writer, December 10, 2009

What is our world coming to?  Is our culture becoming so insensitive to the values we are teaching our children -- and seemingly just crossing our fingers that they turn out alright -- that we stop teaching to be of good character, stories of real people with sound principles and values, altogether?  The emphasis has clearly grown to side with what ails us -- not in what nurtures, and feeds, and nourishes a young hungry soul for that which is good. 

 
It is bad enough that generation after generation we are seeing not only more of what we brush off as merely dysfunctional families -- almost laughing it off as simply our culture's mild sign of decay, a few flakes on the shoulder -- we are now watching it upon the big screen and the pages of yahoo, the macrocosm loss of every principle in the book. 
 
What are we teaching our children and shouldn't ABC, CBS, NBC, TMZ and YAHOO fulfill some of it's duty to bearing some responsibility of teaching both sides -- highlighting good with bad -- finding more news to the values that we hold dear than illuminating the raunchy, the absurd, the wicked and the immoral?  Showing the titillating nature of the news of our times may be considered selling our culture short of an opportunity to really shine in the face and earshot of our children. But time will tell now won't it.
 
My mama and I share our personal preference and love of wearing a cross. It's really nothing more than wanting to display for all the world to see where we aspire to live our lives from -- a reminder to the cross we bear at times in a world that doesn't always go our way -- it affirms daily a belief in something greater than ourselves and our ability to transcend the secular world in a flash, on the fly, and whenever we need "reinforcement" to get through the day.
 
Low and behold, on a rainy Monday afternoon this last week, my girl came to me and asked me if she could wear one of my crosses (hold on a second, I'm pulling a GlennBeck and needing to grab a tissue); but you gotta understand, she came to me and asked.  I didn't push or prod, I simply led and I did; that's all it took.
 
I'm not surprised by her modeling herself after her mama; it's what we do as kids, as I remember for myself.  We follow and learn and grow and turn into people much like those who sit around us at the dinner table, in the church pew, on the sidelines and in the front seat.  And we don't usually grow too much outside the family boundaries, unless of course we are graced by an angel or something very close to it -- the story of Michael Oher comes to mind.  (Thank you for the gift of The Blind Side, in theaters now.)
 
We usually can't make those kind of leaps on our own -- we usually don't grow much further from the tree -- we usually don't become something we're not or something that wasn't inherent to who we really are or where we came from...and from what I see and as time goes by, it is becoming increasingly hard for society to fake it.
 
Our character comes from values and principles instilled in us from our parents, and perhaps a mentor, minister, teacher or coach.  It takes work and effort to build a kind of character worth repeating itself in a new generation; it takes real, unadulterated stories that teach values -- not victims, villains or a veneer of a society that once was.
 
The latest book I'm reading is a collection of fables; and talk about the value and influence of story time  -- Aesop, a Greek slave, told stories to the king featuring animals as the main characters, in an effort to teach a moral platform without essentially hurting any one's feelings -- an indirect and delightful way to make a point, don't you think? 
 
Here's The Jackdaw and His Borrowed Feathers:

A Jackdaw flew over the wall into a garden where peacocks walked.
No one was around.
But there on the ground lay some beautiful peacock plumes.

Quickly he gathered them up,
"How fine I will look dressed up in these peacock feathers!" he thought.
He stuck the longest ones in his tail and some shorter ones on his head.
Then he flew back among the crows and starlings and sparrows. 

He strutted around proudly.  He made believe he didn't even see the common birds.

"I really am too fine to talk to them," he decided at last, and flew off to the peacocks.

But the peacocks saw at once that he was a Jackdaw dressed in their feathers.

They came up angrily and pecked their plumes off him.  And along with the borrowed feathers,
the Jackdaw lost some of his own.

It was a sad-looking bird that flew back over the wall.

He was glad to get away with both eyes in his head.

Now he was ready to be friends with the common birds around him.

But the starlings and crows and sparrows remembered what airs he had put on before.
And they would have nothing to do with him.


Moral: Borrowed feathers do not make fine birds.

 

Who are we as a people, what kind of Americana-Birdus of a Feathurus are we?  What are we made of and what do we pass on to our children of value, of character, of worth in order to carry this generation triumphantly on to the next? 

 

If we don't teach it to them, they will look for it from the outside, they will look for it disguised in opulent lifestyles and empty souls, they will look for it to be fulfilled by things, material and immaterial, to fill their void.  They will not learn to respect who they are -- and have enough moral courage and inner strength to give them the guidance and security to become who they are destined to be. 

 

This is the job that evidently, and the more society dictates, can only be filled by the one person we see in the mirror -- and two if you happen to be one of the lucky one's --  broken or not, the reflection we see in our children tells the whole story.

 

Make it a Good Day, G

 

Before sending them off to school, bless your children with a story, a fable, a poem, or simply a whisper in the ear with something that brings light and love -- in a lesson taught by animals or a thought that makes them smile; our chance to be better parents starts over in each and every new day, thanks be to God.